Friday, October 5, 2012

Culture, tradition blues

You will be surprised what this post is all about. It is not really about culture or traditions per say but about infant and pregnancy loss.I know in the United Sates of America, October is infant and pregnancy loss month.

Last night as I was lying in bed (this has been happening for a few nights now), I kept thinking how in our Shona culture families that go through pregnancy or infant loss are really not allowed to grieve especially in public. It is sad how there seem to be so much pressure to "get over it and try again." This is worse off when it is pregnancy loss because it is assumed that it was not a "human being" yet. Am sure for those who have not experienced this type of loss would not really get my point.

When we were going through IVF, we did experience loss. At both times I would have two embryos (of which there were my babies, and still are) transfered and they would both take on and one would develop to about six weeks and then the bleeding would start. When I was pregnant with Faritle and this happened, I was so thankful that Fari held on but I did grieve for the baby I had lost. However, I did not share with anyone until much later when I felt that I was be able to handle other people's comments. With Nesu, when we we went for the six week scan that was when we saw the empty sac. I still grieved for my babies and it brought fresh memories of our first loss.

Enough about my experience but I have friends and family who have experienced child loss. What hurts most according to me is that when the mother is seen crying over her loss it is seen as taboo. The belief being that it might close up her womb and not be able to conceive again. (I know my non Shona friends might not get this but it is true) It is amazing hat people used to believe.

I have a lot to say about this subject but now I need to go pick up Faritle from school.What people forget is that one can never replace a child even if it was "just" a pregnancy. The loss still hurt a lot and families who do experience this type of loss should be treated with respect and be given enough time to grieve.

Stay blessed,

Friday, September 21, 2012


Recently I was reminded by the "therapist" that I have tom boyish trends and then I told her a recent incident that happened with Faritle. It was kind of funny cause U was not expecting it.

It was a nice sunny day and because it had been a long cold winter I decided to put on a skirt. Faritle looked at me with an inquisitive eye. Then he stared and stared. I asked him, "What is wrong dear?" His answer was, "Mummy, where are your trousers?" I laughed and told him that mum felt like putting on a skirt that day. That was the end of it for him that is. However, it was not for me because I started thinking about my wardrobe, how many pairs of jeans or shorts I have versus the number of skirts and dresses I have. I made a pact with myself that I would make an effort to look more feminine, put on dresses and skirts more. I am a person who would feel more comfortable in this.

This is me in a dress. The other people in the pic, my sis therapist's mum and my nephew. It is a challenge that I have given myself. I hope i will keep up and not fall astray somewhere along the way.

Stay blessed,

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Remembering with a smile

I have been thinking a lot lately about my Mum in love (MIL) It is almost twelve years since she moved on to be with Jesus. I remember the last valentine's when she was still with us, how she surprised me with flowers. I remember coming home from work seeing her car parked outside. I remember how she smiled when she saw me. She was one of the few people i knew who would genuinely smile at someone.

I get sad when I think of her grandchildren would never get to experience the smiles, her soft voce, her gentleness. I look at our kids and really wonder what it would have been like. I feel sad aometimes when I think of how she would never hear her grandchildren calling her "Gogo"

I remember the pain too. What she went through up until the end. I remember how even through the pain how she would look at me and smile. I remember the the day that the smile was not there and i went home and cried. I remember how I told my mum that the smile was not there on that particular day. I never got to see it again because then she went into a comma.

Above all this sad remminisence, I will always be grateful to her for giving me such a wonderful husband. I smile when I remember how she boldly walked to my matron when I was in High School to ask for me. I still think of it cause that incident opened such wonderful doors for me. (Yeah reader, keep wondering what doors!!! It is a whole book on its own)For those who went to boarding school, remember how we used to pack roasted chicken when going back to school. I would go with two, one from my mum and one from her. Yeah, that was her. She would do staff in leaps. Ask Mrs K and she will tell you.

There is one sermon that she gave at church that I will always remember. In her trial to make everyone understand that sin will never mix with goodness and how we sometimes go back to sin just because we are just so used to it, she gave an example. Here is the example that she gave that I do not think I will ever forget. Flies wanted to make sweet honey like bees so decided to ask for help form the masters. The bees told the flies the first and fore most thing that they needed to observe was cleanliness. This meant staying away from all filth. The flies agreed and at first succeeded. Then one day the flies passed by a smelly filthy toilet and the odour was just too irresistable. This resulted in the downfall of the flies again. I remember how she said it all.

My MIL was such a phenomenol woman i think. It is very unfortunate that by the time we exchanged our vows she was with us no more. It is a good thing to remember someone with a smile. It is good to have good memories of her that I will be able to share with Faritle and Nesu.

Till next time.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Does a day still has 24 hours????

It has been long since I wrote something. I wish I could do it more often but these school runs are still taking their toll on me. My day seem to be shorter and more hectic. I am always left wondering what I have done wrong, or how i need to be more organised and then things might be much better. It is always one thing after the other.

My day starts at around 5:30 a.m. The boys should be all dressed by 6:15 a.m. Nesu and tata should be out of the house by 6:30 a.m. Faritle and I should be out by 7:10. I should pick up Faritle by 1:30 p.m. The six hours that I have all alone at home are the most hectic because that is when I try to fit in everything before the little ones get home. I know when Nesu gets dropped off around 4:30p.m then everything should come to a stand still and all attention be given to him.

These are just my mummy woes. It is not all bad though. Faritle now uses the toilet even for number 2. Nesu has some teeth coming out. No more tears when dropping them at school. Vocabulary is improving even for Nesu whose favourite word is now COME while pulling my hand. Faritle is on mid term break ending tomorrow. It has been a welcome break. The rest has been good.

On a different note, I have started walking in the mornings. Have found it to be quite a stress reliever. More on that in soon to come posts. Stay blessed.


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