Friday, October 5, 2012

Culture, tradition blues

You will be surprised what this post is all about. It is not really about culture or traditions per say but about infant and pregnancy loss.I know in the United Sates of America, October is infant and pregnancy loss month.

Last night as I was lying in bed (this has been happening for a few nights now), I kept thinking how in our Shona culture families that go through pregnancy or infant loss are really not allowed to grieve especially in public. It is sad how there seem to be so much pressure to "get over it and try again." This is worse off when it is pregnancy loss because it is assumed that it was not a "human being" yet. Am sure for those who have not experienced this type of loss would not really get my point.

When we were going through IVF, we did experience loss. At both times I would have two embryos (of which there were my babies, and still are) transfered and they would both take on and one would develop to about six weeks and then the bleeding would start. When I was pregnant with Faritle and this happened, I was so thankful that Fari held on but I did grieve for the baby I had lost. However, I did not share with anyone until much later when I felt that I was be able to handle other people's comments. With Nesu, when we we went for the six week scan that was when we saw the empty sac. I still grieved for my babies and it brought fresh memories of our first loss.

Enough about my experience but I have friends and family who have experienced child loss. What hurts most according to me is that when the mother is seen crying over her loss it is seen as taboo. The belief being that it might close up her womb and not be able to conceive again. (I know my non Shona friends might not get this but it is true) It is amazing hat people used to believe.

I have a lot to say about this subject but now I need to go pick up Faritle from school.What people forget is that one can never replace a child even if it was "just" a pregnancy. The loss still hurt a lot and families who do experience this type of loss should be treated with respect and be given enough time to grieve.

Stay blessed,

2 comments:

  1. I di not know why the paragraphs are not showing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know i might be a bit far from understanding the kind of attachment you are talking about but when i day dream about having a baby one day, i feel some pain at the end when i remember that it was just a dream. This then makes me imagine how terrible it would be for a mother who daydreams about the baby she is carrying; only to lose it afterwards. I agree with you...... People should be given time to go through the grieving process. It is also important for family and friends to be supportive by allowing the one who has had the loss to grieve. Best done by being empathetic and not sympathetic.

    ReplyDelete

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